Yesterday was my day to find a chemo doctor in the capital region. It wasn't fun. I had two doctors I had researched and thought they would be a good fit, based on their open-mindedness. In each case, the practice followed through with all the info, each telling me I needed to send all my pathology reports to them before getting an appointment, and then telling me I wouldn't get to see the dr. I wanted, but they'd be happy to set me up with another dr. When explaining that I didn't want just any doctor, they acted like I had three heads. Ugh. I felt like I was speaking a different language when I tried to explain. It was very frustrating. It made me want to run back to Boston.
In the afternoon, I had a meeting at church for the healing service for October. Being Breast Cancer month, they asked me if I would do the message. I thought they were pretty brave asking me - with my woo woo nature and all, but I agreed. The message will be about how not only do we empower ourselves by accepting the divine power within us for healing - and by guiding our own health care rather than simply doing what we're told, but we as women have a great deal of power to influence future health care by avocating on the part of our children.....by what we teach them, by what we buy at the grocery store. It's a confusing message to most people that the answer to healing does not come from outside of you. Even though we use doctors and medicines and hospitals etc., ultimately, unless we allow the divine to work within us, healing will not occur. And healing means much more than healing of the body. My main message will be that we are not a body. We are eternal spiritual beings in a temporary physical body. The meeting went well, and the service will be on the 29th of October at 7pm. All are invited.
After my frustrating day, I felt I needed to get out, so I had dinner with my friend Glenn and his girlfriend Elizabeth, and Bob. Glenn had been through prostrate cancer years ago, and both he and Elizabeth had information that will help me in my search for a chemo doctor in NY. It was really helpful to talk to them. While I was there, my surgeon, Dr. Gadd called from Boston to give me the pathology report from surgery. She was surprised but happy to find me out to dinner with friends. The pathology came back as accepted....clear margins, no node involvement and the tumor was 2.5 cm. So that was good news. I told her I was having a hard time finding a dr. here, and she told me I really should go to a major center. I asked her about Dr. Higgins, the chemo dr. in Boston I saw, and told her I thought she was a little too aggressive for me.She laughed and said - well YEAH - I didn't want to give you someone you might be able to wimp out on!!!!! She really drove home once again the fact that triple negative BC is very likely to come back if I don't do chemo, and if it does, it's much harder to deal with. It was actually a very nice conversation, even if I didn't agree completely with her. I do understand that they truly have my best interests at heart. She even offered to call one of the doctors that wasn't taking new patients, and convince them to take me! I just think that most people in western medicine don't realize the value of the spirit in healing. Alternative and complimentary medicine takes the whole mind/body/spirit into account. The debate continues. I do believe the future of medicine is in energy medicine, not chemical medicine.
I have to say that it felt like in NY, the doctors were so busy that getting chemo was like an assembly line process. I do understand that not everyplace can have the offerings that a large city like Boston can have, and I'm sure my negativity towards chemo is affecting my search. I'm going to try harder to be positive today. It will all unfold as it should.
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